DMail: Messages 2-4
- William Stivers
- May 10, 2021
- 2 min read
Hello all, just got done with finals, so here are the little messages I was able to write in that time. Enjoy!
THIS IS A WORK OF FICTION.
Message 2:
Subject: Received request
Attn. Mr. Tool,
We have received your request for the latest software update and will fulfill it as soon as possible. Unfortunately due to high volume we will not be able to fulfill your request for the next three years.
We appreciate your understanding. Have a useful day.
-IT
Message 3:
Subject: Special Assignment
I don't care if Michael himself is guarding Ratzinger! Will someone get up there and distract him from writing!???! Every word of his that those disgusting vermin read drowns out the cacophony down here -
*This is followed by a general tirade in a language I could not translate.*
*Editors note:* God be with our Holy Father and our Father Emeritus. Having witnessed many coordinated assaults from Hell in my work as an exorcist, I cannot imagine the siege that both of these men must be constantly under.
-Fr. Douglas M.
Message 4:
Subject: Temporary Outage
Mr. Tool,
We are sorry to hear that you experienced a temporary outage at your station when the customer you we trying to contact walked into an out-of-service area.
It appears that the customer briefly left the earthly realm of which we so happily have near uninterrupted service to and went to the Enemy. Either this, or the Enemy came down to meet him. It is still shocking to every one of us that He would demean Himself in this way.
Unfortunately you will be able to expect this kind of outage frequently, especially in this customer who according to our records goes to one of these out-of-service locations once a week typically. Ever since that unfortunate episode known as the Incarnation we have tried to crack the code to get into these areas, but our best technicians have had no success. A regrettable failure, but no cause for alarm, as we still have plenty of means to influence the emotions of humans outside of these unknown sectors. This cloud of... they seem to call it Grace... is impossible for our spies to penetrate once the Enemy has pitched his camp in the middle of our world.
Despite the unfairness of it all, we know you will continue to be useful despite this setback. Keep up the good work Mr. Tool. You will need it.
*Editors Note:* I assume here that the Infernal Technicians are referring to a weekly Sunday Liturgy. It is worth noting that they see it also as not part of their world when we participate in Christ's death and resurrection. They seem to have forgotten that Christ redeemed the world, and that the Liturgy is actually, as they say, God and Man meeting each other. Either that, or their blindness is genuine and they never have nor will see it. How comforting.
-Fr. Douglas M.
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