DMail. Message 1:

When Temptations Call NLC DR <wtcdr@malebolge.dmail.com>

to wtctool@malebolge.dmail.com

Subject: Welcome!

Dear Mr. Tool,

On behalf of the entire workforce at When Temptations Call Center NLC we would like to sincerely welcome you to our team!

As you know from our tour, this facility is equipped with state of the art weapons of mass distraction, communication lines to the mortal realm that almost never fail, and some of the most devilishly skilled temptation advisors to ever crawl the halls of our kingdom.

We expect you to report to your office by tomorrow. As agreed, you shall start full-time immediately, (at least by the way those disgusting humans reckon time). Once you arrive you will be assigned a customer, and your schedule will reflect his.

At When Temptation Calls, we are committed to ensuring the safety of souls on earth and their eventual arrival at our far superior facilities here below. To that end we have equipped your station with all the state of the art equipment that our infernal technicians have to offer. Emotional triggers, distraction devices and prayer disruptors are just some of the tools you get to look forward to using. IT will be available should you need assistance. In addition, your supervisor and experienced co-workers will always be keeping an eye on you.

On your desk you will find a packet with a list of your benefits. Vacation time, sick pay and health insurance have all been reduced as of last year but we are certain you will still find it satisfactory. If not, then I'm certain we can find someone else to whom it is amenable!

Most of all, remember that we are all here to save as many souls as we can from the enemy up above. As long as you are useful, and don't mess up, we will all cooperate efficiently and cordially.

Sincerely yours

-A, Chairman of the Board of Directors.

*Editors note

Obviously several names have been changed to terms that would be more easily recognizable to the audience. I believe "NLC" stands for "No Liability Company" which seems most appropriate for Hell. "DR" is for "Demonic Resources" and "IT" is a stand-in for "Infernal Technicians."

In addition, I find the idea of Hell being one giant call center both fitting and highly entertaining.

Rev. D.M.